lilpeanut0024, wow your story is so sad. You have been through a lot. I am sorry that you lost your friends. Many of us do understand here. I suffered a lot of what you did but not to your extent. You have been abused sexually and emotionally. Same as me. You are an adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA) and so am I. A lot of our problems stem from toxic unwell parents and we reap the awful consequences well into our adulthood if we don't get help. I got help late but it is never too late. None of what happened to you was your fault. Your mother can only help herself as you are powerless over her drinking.

It is no wonder that you are confused, moody, anxious and depressed. I have been there and I still have my problems. I have triggers from my childhood that I am working on with a therapist.

You could benefit from talking to a therapist as you have been through so much. I don't know what is offered in your area as you live in another country but here there are 12 step support groups available like ACOA, CODA and Alonon. If you have any questions about these groups you can PM me. Please see what your options are for getting some help. Therapy would also help with the sexual abuse. I wish I had sought help much earlier in my life. Best wishes.