Bad thoughts bring real pain yet I am repeating them. My husband has been good to me yet sometimes he really fights me. I have had recent good visits with my grown children and yet it feels terrible because it has been quite awhile. I feel turned against myself and neglected but in truth I may not be in as bad a shape as I think . However, I repeat these quilty , repetitive self hurting thoughts. There have been real hurts. I seem stuck in them.