I completely understand how it feels to have seemingly failed at being a man. I am 63 but often feel like a frightened child. I remember when I turned 30 and felt so old. Now I realize how young I really was back then. You have much life ahead of you. You feel so behind, but behind what or who? Who are you comparing yourself to? There are steps you can take if you haven't already, like finding a good therapist and looking into the option of medications. Hang in there. You are in good company here.