I wanted to make a kind of update on my anger and anxiety. Lately I've been going outside again and feeling (feeling good even). I found a job and will be working and the people seem really cool. I haven't given up on Pharm but let me tell you some days I wanna throw that study book or cry into it I get so frustrated with myself. I have been sleeping better and so far the anxiety isn't so bad but the closer I get to test day the more anxious I get. I also find myself with less energy to study and I'm not sure why. This is starting to make me nervous too. The bright side of that I will be seeing someone June 10th to help.

My anger level has decreased considerably but I find myself angry at the dumbest things lately (random internet opinions on how I complain too much b/c of my age) I also learned this about myself: criticism > self hate > anxiety which turned into criticism > anger towards the critic (depending on who they are) so this is where I am now.I'm trying not to dwell so much anymore but I'm still not looking forward to the future. I'm somewhere in between but happy. I used to say "I wish I could be happy again" and now that that has happened I am now asking myself "what now?"

There are answers to that obvious to me like move out, get licensed, that sort of thing. But what is the bigger picture is where I'm at. And I think that that is the very first step to wanting to look ahead again, not in fear, but in joy. And though I'm not completely healed imo, I'm on my way. Thx everyone you're all awesome!