I think that there are two ways depression can "look": one is feeling "sad", what we typically think of as "depressed". But, not having any energy or motivation to do anything can be another.

My T recently asked me to do a depression screener... and I came back as moderately depressed. But, I didn't feel overwhelmingly *sad* - I just had zero energy or desire to do *anything*. I am still struggling with this, but for me, the feeling is that... the amount of energy to do anything is more than the amount of pleasure I'll get from it, so very little gets done. (I spend a lot of time in bed.)

So, yes... I think that you may be suffering from some depression. I don't know if suicidal thoughts are *always* from depression, but in your case - especially if you're thinking about how to do it - it may be, and it might be helpful to talk to your therapist.

It might feel normal to you, I think it does for a lot of us. But, it's still good to talk to your therapist, let them know that's where you're at, and talk about what things you might do to feel a bit better.

(((emptyspace)))