Each day down on the Marshall Univ. campus, as I go about my business, up and down elevators, going to lunch at the student cafeteria, I encounter one or more men each day who smile, give a second look, and even engage me in conversation! I am so SO out of touch with my femininity, and dismiss this as just friendly people, feeling awkward and even the need to escape....which I DO! I am so unattractive right now, having let myself go badly, just plodding along in my asexual manner, doing the tasks ahead of me, disregarding any thought of meeting a man!
I have punished myself for three years now for my foolish behavior in trying to form a romantic relationship with a man, which was devastating, humiliating and extremely embarrassing to me.
Maybe it's my kind nature, something in my expression that allows these men to approach me, but I feel horrendous and ugly...and I am! I have SO conditioned myself NEVER to be vulnerable again emotionally, that it is extremely awkward for me when a man seems to want to engage me in conversation.
Anyone else have this experience?
Patty