I have had your experiences and worse over the years.
Thankfully I found a private T I could afford.
Looking back, I think it was some of the bad treatment that drove me on.
Yes looking back I had no insight, no tools and was looking for the mother ship, forgetting, or unable to see I did have choices and responsibility. There were people a lot more incapable and in need of help than I.
I actually use to envy them.
But envy what? Bring contained in a nut house, hoping I'd find the ultimate care. It's not there either.
It's hard to hear, but once we're grown it really is down to us to grab the ropes.
Some end up dead. But a lot, like myself end up just talking about it.