Quote:
Originally Posted by Partless
Growlycat, I'm sorry to hear you been in crisis mode. I have not read your previous posts on the subject, so excuse me if this question is not relevant, but how is your CBT T's frustration with your work relates to you being safe in face of suicidal thoughts and ideation? Like what was this MD trying to get at? I'm not asking this in rhetorical way, I'm having trouble connecting the dots, not knowing your history.
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I know my first post must feel disjointed. I'll try to remedy that.
Last Tues, for some reason my therapy appointment with my "CBT T" (He's slightly more eclectic than that, but he definitely is not psychodynamic!)
I am working on 2 major issues--health/fitness improvement and a driving phobia. Made more headway with the driving phobia than the health issue. In addition to CBT T, I have a long term T (psychodynamic) that I only get to talk to now once every 2 weeks foe 20 min--hardly therapy anymore.
So I've had to rely on CBT guy more that I normally would, including longstanding issues.
I think what happened is that he keeps denying being judgmental about my progress when it is becoming clear that he is getting bored and frustrated with me. His pulling away/disengagement is trigger-y of all kings of old family dynamics. I do recognize this.
I don't get like this often, but on occasion I get into a near-delusional mode where I think my T is trying to cause me pain. I owned up to this early on and warned him that it would happen and what to look for. Because when I'm in the middle of it it feels very real even though I vaguely recognize this is my old pattern.
When I get like this I need massive reassurance that he cares and wants to help me.
I don't think he "gets" me, my past trauma (no curiosity from him in 2 yrs) and now I worry that his care was a sham this whole time.
I'm pretty attached to him so I'm feeling like my center of gravity is gone. I feel hopeless like no one can help me and on it goes.