so I found the courage to tell T how when shes away I feel disbelief that she feels OK being seperate away from me. In yet intellectually I understand what breaks are about. When I go away I get that we all need to relax, but on another level I'm like, why?
T said I think it's stems from my fears of abandonment, my birth mother leaving and never returning.
I said, nah that don't fit. Anyways I can't remember my birth mother and I was just a dumb baby (T lifts her eyes at that lol) who wouldn't understand 'abandoment'.
T said, no not in the way adults understand it, but you would have missed your mother and felt the loss.
I asked her to name what it would have felt like. T said, a feeling of not being home safe?
Yeah! I said that! I can get that. That's better description than just the word abandonment.
So I said when you're away I'm afraid you will never return and I'll re-experience that not being home feeling.