I feel like my resolve is slipping. I feel like I'm about to fail spectacularly, and all anyone will see is the failure. No one will notice how hard it was to get to this point...
I'm just a disappointment anyway. Might as well live up to it.
For the record, I know the emotions behind this are transference, so this is really not directed to you as much as it would be to him. If I still talked to him. If I admitted I cared what he thought. If I could wave it in front of his face that I did two things right: I could make him happy even if it was really wrong; that I held out as long as I could...

(I want to reach out, like I told you I would do, but I feel stupid. I wouldn't know what to say, or how to explain anything or make any sense at all... and really, what could they actually do? I know what I should be doing, I'm just running out of energy to keep doing it. So what do I say? "Hi. T wanted me to call before I fall apart, but I'm out of strength to keep holding it together. I guess this is just a courtesy call to give you a heads-up that I'm crumbling. No, nothing you can do, but I promised her I'd call..." that leaves them with two options: call the cops on me because they don't know what "crumbling" looks like, or smile and nod and hang up the phone and leave you a note that your crazy client called... I don't like either of those options... so...? ... I wish you were in because even though i feel totally stupid calling you, at least you have a chance of figuring out who the blubbering idiot on the other end of the line is...)