Thank you PInksoil, Mouse, Secret, Lemon....

One of the reasons I arrived at this insight is because I had a conversation with T about object constancy. (Pink, I 've heard you mention this before.)

Apparently, this develops through your relationship with your mother. T said that process was disrupted for me when I was a child, so I have a hard time holding onto our relationship from week to week. He knows this. He said to me, "This relationship is real."

After reflecting on this conversation I realized I just had to begin to try and trust that he will hold onto me for me. Because if I can't, then I will never be whole....trusting T to hold me while we work on the pieces. I do believe it's a challenge, though a necesary one.