Yes, it's easy to relate to what you are sharing. The other side of the "thick skin" sounds like a slippery slope though IMHO.

Calm assertive is what is helpful at home and in real life. Taking responsibility is more than always doing things for others. Giving oneself the self empathy one needs, and appreciation for our own efforts. An excellent book as a resource: How to be an Adult in Relationships-The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by, David Richo

Also: Zen Mindful Listening is also a timely resource.
And teaches tuning into our self talk and listening from an empowered empathetic partnership...
It's very insightful that you have noticed this, this is how change started for myself also.

Keep posting, you are not a shell, you deserve to be happy too!