Breaking up is never easy, or are the words 'breaking up is hard to do' ? Someone close to me recently broke off a 4 year relationship and she tried to stay friends but his ego got in the way of a previous long term relationship becoming a friendship. Healing and overcoming a pattern of self destruction as in your last sentence is very important and unfortunately can only be overcome through experience. So we have to hurt in order to heal. Relationships are so damn difficult and it is so easy to opt out or abandon ship but not necessarily the solution.
Hang in there - time heals all wounds.