Greetings all,

I am new to PC and am attempting to escape the grips of a moderate to severe case of depression. Upon peeling back the layers of my mental illness, I am realizing that I have some deep rooted issues that need to be addressed. I am currently sexually inactive by circumstance but am discovering that I could be possibly suffering form Genito-Pelvic Pain/Penetration Disorder (Vaginismus). I always have issues with my pelvic exam where my muscles just involuntary tense, at the dismay of my physician. I am so embarrassed and angry with myself but have no control - not matter how much I mentally focus on relaxation techniques or even under the effect of muscle relaxants. I was very fortunate to have a very gentle and conscientious lover during my first and last intercourse experiences. He was very careful not to hurt me. Penetration is difficult because of the reflex reaction of my muscles tensing. Once lubricants flow, and arousal sets in, penetration is tolerable and even enjoyable . Obviously this is not appropriate for pelvic exam, so not sure what to do. With my and family history of beast cancer, along with my mother's recent endometrial cancer, I'm really freaked out about acquiring a gynecological cancer. My Mom has to get regular pelvic exams post treatment. I don't believe I could handle that nor any physician want to deal with my disorder.

This really sucks! It would suck more if I actually had a partner. Come to think of it it does suck that I am not in a relationship and have very limited sexual experience - I believe if things were different, I wouldn't have the issue with Vaginismus plus I possibly take some of the edge of my depression and social anxiety through sexual gratification.