I learned something real valuable in Al-Anon. I learned that I should not focus on curing my loved one of his problem, which is outside of my power and none of my business, but I should focus on solving my problem. I hated being around my loved one when he drank. Instead of me trying to get him to stop drinking, which I was having no success at, I decided to make sure that I wasn't around him when he was drinking. This worked real well for me. He ended up getting off alcohol with no help from me.

You see, Joe, you are doing the very thing you are saying that your friend does. You are trying to remake her. Don't bother. Don't worry about her boundary problems. That's her business. Don't worry about what she obsesses about. That's not your concern. Don't worry about what she neglects. Instead, focus on what is your business. If she is making herself unpleasant for you to listen to, then deal directly with that. Never mind psychoanalyzing her. Skip the jargon and don't use words like "codependent." Al-Anon discourages the use of that term for good reason. When her conversation is about stuff that you don't really want to listen to, let her know that you'ld rather talk about something else. Do this consistently, and she may learn what types of things are annoying for you to have to listen to. If she doesn't learn, then just cut off the conversation. She'll figure it out. Then either she'll converse more appropriately with you, or she'll find someone else who wants to sit and listen to this stuff.

Trying to help other people get rid of problems, especially when the problems don't seem like problems to them, is probably the most sure-fire way to waste your time.