I have to go. It's become life or death. I've been rationalizing why I should end it all and the only thing holding me back now is fear. Typical since I fear everything. I'm going in Wednesday. I have to make it through one more day. I don't know what has happened to me. One day I have it all together and the next I don't.

I took over my mother's house. The same house I was abused in. Physically, emotionally, sexually... Everything. It's all here. What have I done to myself. I'm not home.. I'm trapped.
I feel it all. Everytime my daughter cries I feel like it's all my fault. I'm ruining my kids. They would have a better life if i am not here. Everything I do.... It's wrong. I'm terrified of hurting them but living hurts them more. I'm going to become my mother. I can't be her but I am. It's grown inside me...it's going to become me. I'd rather die.

It's all here... My daughter sleeps in the same room my sister was molested in...my son sleeps in the same room I was molested in.. Every room..

I just wish it could all end but it's only getting worse. I can't stop thinking of everything that happened to me. it's eating me alive!