Thank you very much for the invitation to private message and also to post here in the forum. I am impressed by the empathy and caring people at PsychCentral. I am open to the idea of corresponding privately with interested persons, and posting publicly is a form of group therapy for me. Early on I tried going to a grief support group at a hospice company but the first one got cancelled because the moderator wanted a minimum of eight people and there were only four of us. I tried another grief support group at a church, but it was too far away and only met once a month.

I have already tried three therapists, but found them to be too cold and clinical. One psychologist told me that my problem is that I don't love myself and that for me to love anyone else I have to love myself first. I asked him, "Are you saying that I didn't love my father?" He got annoyed and replied, "You didn't come here to argue with me. If you're going to feel better you have to believe what I'm telling you." I also went to a minister who was a former prison chaplain. I think the prison environment made him too cynical. He even used bad language sometimes. When I told him that some people tell me my father's spirit is here in the house with me, he replied, "Bull$#*@!" I also saw a young female social worker who has never experienced the loss of a parent or a midlife existential crisis. She was nice enough, but I saw her stifling a yawn. When I was crying she handed me a box of tissues and said, "You are still very emotional. I think you are depressed." I am still waiting to be assigned another therapist by Medi-Cal. It is taking weeks.