Oh wow... I'm sorry you had such a stressful weekend. It sounds stressful. What part of the job are you having trouble disengaging with? It sounded like you were managing to avoid the emails... is it just that stuff is piling up, and they expect it done sooner than you can reasonably do it in the hours that they agreed to? (For example, if they are expecting 40 hours worth of work to be done in just the 24 or so hours that you're working during the week - that would be really stressful, and I can see how hard it would be to not use the weekends to try to stay on top of everything.)

I hope everything is OK with you and your boyfriend!

Wow - yeah - it sounds like our dads must be related. I can't believe he gave you $5 for college! That's ridiculous and crazy and just plain mean. I do feel a little bad about my dad, honestly, because I don't think he's *mean* on purpose. He's been depressed as long as I can remember, and just doesn't seem to be able to take care of anything. It's like he never learned to function well as an adult - basic stuff, like budgeting. At the same time, I can't really take that on, I have my own crap to deal with, and I'm not his parent. I get how debilitating depression is (and honestly, his mother was probably abusive towards him and his siblings), but you know what? When you decided to have kids, you needed to step up and figure it out. Even crazier, he actually works (or worked, when he had a job) in mental health. Really frustrating !

Thanks, you're exactly right - I'm worried that therapy won't be effective, and that it's too expensive to just let it go on for years "trying it out". I've seen the "smart" goals before - I like the idea - but I'm not sure how to wrap up goals like, "a better sense of self" into concrete measurable things. I think my goals are inherently fuzzy, which probably doesn't help! I just wish it wasn't so frustrating - I go back and forth thinking it's just a waste of money, versus thinking my life is screwed up, I'm getting older, this person may be my best bet at figuring it out and getting things a bit sorted out before I really do become too old for any of it to matter (and boy, do I feel like I'm getting there!)

re: The pottery class, the idea that's it's both fun and stressful makes perfect sense to me, that's how I felt about acting class. It was insanely fun and energizing (and exhausting), but there was also stress associated with it - since I had to *do* something. It wasn't passive fun, and it really did exhaust me - the first few classes, I literally came home afterwards and just crashed, fell right asleep!

Is this an ongoing class, or does it have an end date? It might be easier to do if you know it's limited, like 6 weeks? Do you feel like you need the class, or could you drop that... and just get time there to do your thing when you feel like, so it's not so rigidly scheduled? Or... you mentioned wanting to do lots of outdoor stuff this time of year, maybe pottery is just a winter hobby? You can always come back to it when the weather gets too cold for hiking and kayaking...

I kind of wonder... is it really just the job sucking up your energy? That's sort of how I feel... it seems like if you're in a bad work environment, that you'd really need a great hobby to help counteract that in your free time, but I think the truth is that, if you're in a bad work environment, it wears you out so much that it's hard to have the extra energy to enjoy a great hobby ! It's really unfair!