I have absolutely no anxiety in life EXCEPT for before my sessions. I could speak in front of a crowd with no problem. But, I get extremely anxious before my sessions. I have to go the bathroom a lot, shake, etc. I can't pinpoint why I feel that way. My T. once asked if I'm scared of her. I laughed. I'm not. I'm not worried. THe only thing I can think of is maybe the vulnerability I feel in there is so different than anywhere else?

I haven't figured out how to lessen it. It's definitely better than 9 months ago but it's not where I want it to be. I will also feel fine after sessions and then next day feel bad. I think sometimes the negative feelings I have are a way of distancing myself from my T. Either to protect myself or avoid being a basketcase the rest of the week.

Had a good session last night and am in tears all morning. Usually when I talk about my deceased mom, I leave mad. I didn't leave mad and was so glad about that change. But, instead I really miss my T. more than normal. i could cry at the drop of a hat but can't figure out why. By Thursday I'll feel better and then wonder why in the world I"m doing this to myself - it would be easier to quit. Then, the day before I'm ready to go again.

I also feel that I feel more connected when talking about deeper issues.