There are more charitable words than manipulative, for sure!

How about: Good at motivating others to give us what we want?

I dislike the term as well. I have toddlers and I've heard other adults accuse kids of manipulating adults. And I don't see it that way.

One of my kids fake-cries a lot and wants comforting. And I comfort her the same as when it's a "real" deep cry. The fake cries are sort of hollow noises, not really deep, but so what. If the child wants to be held and snuggled and kissed and reassured, why can't I do that? I'm not being manipulated.

Maybe this wasn't what you meant but I am just agreeing that the term "manipulative" is not a helpful construct to describe behavior.

Edited to add:

Also, there are other words that are more specific. My mother-in-law is a manipulative narcissist. But that's shorthand. A more accurate way of describing her behavior is thus: The woman fabricates facts to get others to give her what she wants. She is not usually interested in how other people feel and lacks real empathy, and she will divide the family by lying about what another person said. She also exaggerates imagined slights against her.

So that's a longer way of saying it, but more accurate than the word "manipulative."

See? "Manipulative," isn't really helpful. I bake cookies for the back-office staff at my therapy office. Am I a therapy client who is manipulating people into liking me? Maybe I just like baking cookies and making people happy!