I will try to be as brief as possible..

I have been married to my wife for 26 years. She is the love of my life. She is an ACOA not in recovery and in so in denial that she even refuses to acknowledge that she is an ACOA. Her mother was a blackout drinker and my wife, beginning at age 11 became the surrogate that took her role in the family. The stories are horrendous and from everything I've read, she would be almost a "worst case scenario" if there is such a thing.

She exhibits most of the "characteristics" I've seen listed around the web for ACOAs. As her closest intimate partner, I receive a lot of projection of her childhood onto me. I've tried to point out the list of characteristics and show her how she is tracking right on target for being ACOA but she responds, "I know I do those things but not because of ACOA. It is because of you! (meaning me).

She has lied to me so many times it isn't funny. That is the easiest of the traits to identify. The others are there as well.

My problem is that I'm about to be divorced and single again at age 54 and I truly believe that if she were to get into recovery, we could save our marriage. I desperately want that. She refuses to believe anything related to ACOA is at play. She did go to 6 meetings last May-June but stopped pronouncing herself as "cured" and not needing it any longer.

Any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions? Today marks 6 months separated and the waiting period is over to proceed to divorce. I am really desperate and my heart is broken.

Thanks for your time.