was not having a good day at all . no sleep and stress. I wrote a lot about what is going on. it again took me forever to say anything. I finely told her all I want to do is to have her read my journal. she said that would be fine . after big breaths I took it out and handed it to her . I told her that I seemed to have a lot to say this morning. she asked me if I wrote in it this morning. I nodded yes . I didn't want her to read anything else but that. I am not sure if she had read any other but this mornings entry. she asked me questions about it as she read itt . like who was it that I met for lunch and how did it go . she seemed to be into challenging me big time today. she just doesn't seem to understand at times what is going on in my head. I told her that it went ok .she tried to confirm that I had not in fact said anything horrible or had done anything horrible . I don't know this and to never assume anything . they are beautiful people and might never say anything. I hate when she just plain contradicts me . she asked me what I was thinking and what was going on in my head . It was so hard to put it into words . it scared me. I tried to just say everything . that I have just messed everything in my life up .she was really pushing me today to give her more . she asked what I messed up? Everything I said she asked me to respond a bit further with more information . I didn't know how to put it all into words. I said my life ,my son ,my husband. I don't want to deal with any of it at all anymore . I started to cry but she didn't notice and I regained control quickly. she really was boot camp T today. she said I needed to tell her what was going on because I only had like 15 min left. she said history shows that things are not good if I leave without telling her what was going on . I told her that I didn't want to deal any more . that I was horrible . she asked what I did that was horrible . I couldn't say but I hurt so bad . this is when she said "you know your life isn't really that horrible she said that she knows it is hard for me to understand that it is just how I am perceiving things. I couldn't believe it .I mean I understand what she is trying to say and all but things are horrible .i know she was trying to get me to see that things are not so bad but I need her to see that they are .that I am a screw up big time . we then started taking about my son because I said I don't want to be his mother at all. that I have no idea how to do it . ant this is when I started to cry again. she told me that I had no choice but to be his mother and that he needed me . I just mess things up more for him. I fet so out of control and so stupid for crying . im just so tired . thank god she just ignored my show of stupid tears and just kept talking . I insisted that I cant be any mother to him . she said that is is a huge adjustment for him and I . but I don't want to be a mom anymore .I suck at it .she was not having anything to do with my pity party.i asked for my book back and she wouldn't give it to me . she said I can have it when I talk to her some more about what was going on . it was not time to leave and she didn't want me leaving yet . I don't know if it was because I stupidly let her see I was upset. she tried to calm me down some and all I wanted to do was run out . I did pull myself together because I had to leave . eventually she did give me my book back but told me to sit back down that my time was not up yet. and said sorry for keeping my book that that was not fair to me . I knew why she did it . I was just upset that she just would not once again accept me for what I am . I don't know if this was a good or horrible session . im upset ,this I know