Sorry I post so much lately. Just starting to notice bad thoughts.

I cannot seem to get the idea of suicide out of my head lately, my dreams are consistently haunting me, and I don't like where I am in my life and not knowing where I'll be going (I graduate college in a few weeks).

I really cannot go inpatient. Probably not even in the summer if I wanted to because I might have a job.

I don't like Bipolar.

This feels too familiar to the last time I attempted suicide. Kinda mixed. Literally thought I was happy but I was still suicidal. It's happening again. I'm really scared. I felt like writing a suicide note whether or not I would actually go through with it.

I hate this. I'm sorry I'm annoying. I post all the time and I promise I read the responses, but I don't aways get a chance to respond because life is hectic. Sorry I post way too much lately. I am just not well right now. Ugh.

Edit: Read this back to myself after posting and I fee outside of my own body wondering how I can feel like this and confess/write such things.

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