Just like soccermom, I experience this very often too. But I also recognize this behavior in other things, outside of therapy. It's as if if I can't have something... I want to prove that I can live without it. First it hurts and after I get used to the feeling, I want to avoid becoming vulnerable again or being drawn back into this pain of the first couple of days. It's probably because it hurts a bit every time the session is over and you wait for the next one.

Exactly like you say, I guess you're scared of needing your therapist and of feeling that you need her. I learned though that you can't both have a strong connection, while trying to not put yourself at risk of being dependent or getting hurt. That's not how it works. I think that learning to live with uncertainty should help learning to enjoy the moment (and the looking forward to something).