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Originally Posted by Seeyalater
Thank you so much for this link. I read it and one can read forever on this subject. My husband seems to have a problem separating his emotions along with his anger. I'm going to read up on it more and see how I can help. I do a lot of what it said so just continuing might help. As of now he refuses to go to a therapist.
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I think that with men especially, they believe that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness. That is why they tend to express "anger" the most. They are often raised to be "heros" and be strong and be able to just "fix or rescue or achieve", when in reality, they are just human and in being human "do" have emotions they need to better understand instead of "fear or think it is wrong to have emotions".
The thought of seeing a therapist would be something not wanted, after all, they would be required to let down a wall they just can't let down, believe they are simply supposed to "not show" or they are a failure, hense why "man up and suck it up" are so toxic to say to a male child or a young man that is genuinely struggling and so much so that they are "acting out" in strange ways.
Your husband needs to understand that he is "not" a failure at all, the failure has been that of his parents all along. Often even a father will make mistakes with their own sons because that is what they themselves were taught to be, so all they are doing is handing down bad messages and with that dysfunctional ways of dealing with others and relationships and life as well.
Your husband needs help getting under his own hood so to speak so he can see the parts that need to be addressed so his life can run better. He needs to recognize that the "anger" is a warning sign that means, unless he takes some time to fix the noise bothering him under the hood he could experience a breakdown that actually could be "avoided". That he can learn to overcome the lack of knowledge his parents are expressing with him and actually end up a person who actually gains more understanding and knowledge than his parents had/have.
His father is a lousy mechanic that way, and his mother is and has long been clueless, but that doesn't mean life needs to be hopeless, he just has to reach out to individuals that are actually better mechanics that's all. That is the whole reason there actually "are" therapists to begin with.
That is a good way to explain it to him. You need to "empower him" so he realizes that "he" can go to learn from more knowledgeable individuals to where he becomes a more knowledgeable "better" person in spite of the lack in his parents.