Hi Fuzzy,
I think that worrying about having hurt other people's feelings is quite common and it shows we are able to be emphatic and also some how we have the need of others. In practice, things get complicated because sometimes other people's expectatives do not match with our possibilities or awareness. Particularly some people are too sensitive while others act as they were psychopaths, disregarding other people's feelings all together. It is not easy to manage oneself among such a variety of people. When I believed in God, I tried to do the best I could and then I did an exercise: I left everything in God hands and just continued with my life. The case is that I could not please everyone and sometimes people would be hurt and I could not do anything about it. I mean, sometimes an apology would not work. Sometimes, it was an opportunity for me to exercise self-criticism and improve my behavior in consequence. But there were opportunities when I think I was Ok and the other person's expectatives were exaggerated or too much. Anyway, I tried to have a proactive attitude and on the other hand not to give too much time or thoughts to situations like that.
After I became a non believer I started to put things on "life hands", I mean, after I do all I can to clarify situations, to ascertain myself, or whatever is needed when things got rough.
But the essence is the same: doing all my part and then let it go. Sometimes it is not easy, but it is an exercise that improves by practicing.
Regarding Ts, the most important stuff to me is to make sure T got the right information. It is very difficult to control T's thoughts or the judgement about us they make. To me, it is useful to me to picture me as a client and see the T as a service provider. If Ts judges me I do not care much, he/she is just a human being. Of course, it is important that the T does not get a wrong idea about us, because it may affect the therapy. But on the other hand we know nobody will have an exact picture of ourselves. Ts should give us tools for us to feel better, to improve, as far as that is working, we should not care much about Ts reactions sometimes. But if a T often makes wrong interpretations of our behavior I think we should think about changing Ts.
Ok, sorry for the length of this response
I am sending you a big hug