That's a really rough position to be in, in my opinion (the company needing more support than you can give, and some people thinking that you're full-time). I'm imagining that it would feel like... constant pressure to do more, even if your boss does understand that you are part-time and can't get to everything. I think it's even harder when you're a smart person, and you know what needs to be done, and how to do it right - because it's REALLY hard to just let stuff go undone, or to do things quickly (and less thoroughly). That's my experience, anyway. So, I'm sorry that you're in that position - and that being a part-time consultant isn't making things better!

Are you and your boss in agreement about your priorities? Making those explicit could help a bit, I imagine, with letting some stuff go?

And, I'd be so tempted to put an out-of-office auto-response on my email on days that I'm not working. "I'm currently available M, W, and F from 8-6. I will respond to your email as soon as I return to the office. Thanks!" to help people understand!

And, ugh to the morons who think that anyone who isn't working in the same field is an idiot. Talk about immature. And calling you to fix a printer that's out of paper... I think I'd make them stand there and listen to a (very nice, polite) lecture on how to check and refill the paper tray. I can just imagine it now, "see... this icon here... on the display? Are you able to see that OK? Yes, great! Now, that icon means there's no paper... do you want to take a picture with your phone, in case you forget what it looks like? No, are you sure? OK... so when that picture comes up, or really ANY TIME THIS TRAY RIGHT HERE IS EMPTY!!! - all you have to do is... "

What a pain. Maybe you need to get all business-y on them and tell your boss you want to "EMPOWER" people by making sure they all know how to refill the printer paper!

I wonder what these people do at home? Do they not ever use printers at home?

And, wow, that's crazy about the cardiologist. And, it sucks. I *hate* that it's an issue we even have to talk about or notice. It so should not be one, at all. Did I tell you my graduation story? My one really noticeable bad moment of being female in a male industry - my undergrad degree is in Computer Science, and I graduated with highest honors. That quarter, there were only 3 CS folks who had highest honors, 2 females and 1 male. The male didn't show up at graduation. As we were getting lined up, someone came by and reminded us to line up by honors first... so me and this other woman were first in line.

The professor responsible for keeping us lined up came by, looked at me and this other woman at the front, and said something like... "Oh, are they giving you pink diplomas too?"

I *wish* I would have had the guts back then to say something, but I was honestly really infuriated, and hurt. It was just such a tacky thing to say, and he really didn't put any thought into it at all. And people don't get that - I told a friend later, who was a grad student studying with this guy - and my friend said, "Oh, but he's not sexist at all". Ugh. Maybe not to you (another male!) but that was really not an OK thing to say - at graduation, no less!

re: Family stuff - OMG that's too funny, no, NONE of us are married or have kids of our own! My brother was briefly married, but had a violent outburst and ended up back on drugs, and was quickly divorced. (Really sad, his wife was an incredibly sweet, kind woman that would have been great for him.) My sis has a live-in boyfriend that she's been with for more than 10 years, but he doesn't work at all. He used to, he got laid off, and he just.... gave up, I guess. He's not really... all there either. He's very much into conspiracy theories, and used to smoke a lot of pot, and I think his brain is just not in good shape.

My mom desperately wanted grand-kids (I'm not sure why, since she ignored the kids she had for most of our childhood!) - and asked me once if she thought my sister and this guy were going to have kids! I said, "Wow! Do you really want him as the father of your grandkids?" Sigh. I hate being so judgy, and he's a nice enough person, but just... no.... Anyway, my sister isn't really into the idea of kids, so no worries.

And I haven't really dated since college and have zero interest in having kids. And am quickly approaching an age where that won't be a problem.

Yeah, when I look at that, I think "you know that your parents really screwed up when ALL of their children grow up and refuse to marry and have kids of their own." It just seems... not normal. But at least on our side, nothing in our family IS normal.

It's really funny to hear that you've got the same dynamic going on in your family too. (Sad too, sorry.) I sort of hate thinking about it, because I can totally see how if my family had been different, if my parents had actually been parents, how I might have grown up, fallen in love, settled down, and had kids... and maybe even liked it. But, it just hasn't been something I could even consider for so long.

Yeah, regarding the squishing 70 hours into 40. It doesn't work unfortunately! But it sounds like the pottery class is something you might be able to take a break from when you want to focus on other things, and then come back to periodically. Not an all-or-nothing thing?

Thanks for the thoughts on goals... I genuinely am not sure with therapy. It's like, "feeling better". Sure, there are ways one could quantify it - but sometimes there's not, sometimes it's just a feeling. Maybe like pottery or art? Some goals are clearly quantifiable ("I want to make a plate that does not have bubbles in it, is flat, and is of uniform thickness!") versus... looking at two plates that you've made, neither with any real quantifiable errors, but still finding you like one better than other, for no real reason, just aesthetics. I don't know, it's all fuzzy.

I think if we had a better flow to our conversations, it would help. But, that's not really something either of us can consciously control. And, I tried telling him that I didn't feel like our conversations "blossom" (you know, how when you're talking to someone, and as you talk, you both keeping adding information so that the conversation just sort of explodes in a really great, exciting way?). He said that he thought our conversations DID do that! I don't think I replied at that point, because I was a bit dumbfounded, and was trying to figure out - is it just me being crazy/dissociative and not remembering all these great conversations? Do we just have very different conversational expectations? Is he just nuts? *sigh*

The thing with bad jobs... isn't that kind of amazing and sad to realize. And frustrating. Because it means that if you're stuck in a bad job, not only is your 8-10 hours of work going to be miserable, it really is literally dragging down the rest of your free time too. Oh gosh, that is horrifying. I think I may go ahead and order that book on motivation from Amazon (the one that I told you about awhile ago, that looked at what motivates different people and how to use it to find work that you find fulfilling).