I tried telling the people from that stupid company that I only did what I did because I was angry and it happened because they never handled the matter correctly in the first place. They took my workers away from me and told me lies. They were my workers and I was very fond of them. Perhaps too fond, but then I really have nothing going well for me in my life. And do you really think lying to the very clients that pay their wages and need the help they provide is acceptable or at all fair?

I get that the women felt like I put them on the spot. I get that it made them feel on edge because they know I like them. But I was lonely. If they were still willing to have been my workers way back then when these issues first started, I would have gladly shut up about the text message nonsense from before and just took my support with everybody, and that was it. Instead, they continued to feel "uncomfortable" and then I was lied to by those who make up the support rota. They made a mountain out of a molehill and Sara started to pick on me weeks before she dumped me, or they took her away from me. Whichever way it played out. Who even cares?

Because the company would not bring them back, it hurt me deeply. It hurt me because of the impact losing them had on my spirit. Then rather than stay calm, I had nobody to argue across my point that I needed another chance. So eventually, I just snapped. And to be honest, I do not blame myself for blowing up last year. They treated me like dirt.

Sara turned her back on me. Then I ended up in jail, I got charged multiple times, I was told I could not go to that flat or the street, and yet, I waited and waited for months to get back there, only to find out on 17 April in court that the flat is gone and I cannot contact these women for up to 5 years or I will be imprisoned again. It is so unnecessary.

That court case was all one-sided and unfair. I only upset them because they upset me by being deceptive. If we had only sat down and resolved this matter, that could have been the end of things. It never even had to lead to the police arresting me. Nobody cared back then and after the court got involved, they gave even less of a damn about me because they thought the judges had me shafted. They are not the ones who will have to remember all the bad memories that will constantly flood my mind for the rest of my life.

I wish I had just kept my big mouth shut about Sara so that Robert did not grass me up to the seniors. That is what happens to us lonely men who are way too desperate and cannot control their feelings. Yet even after all this crap happened to me, they just insist that it is set in stone now and we cannot go back in time.