Hey guys

So not to go into any details, but put a trigger warning in the title for others.

My question is, given I failed FOUR suicide attempts in a short period of time in my mid teens, what are the chances I have severe depression and don't realise?

In your educated experience, what long lasting affects could the above have on an individual. Disorder and depression wise?

I'm 29 now, and my old psychiatrist said they wouldn't diagnose me with clinical depression (never actually asked for).

I say/ask though, since being counter-dependent up til the age of say 27, not showing reaction to anyone in a bid to present no one can affect/hurt me and being detatched and numb to the point of unrealism etc through my entire life, wouldn't I be damn good at hiding it, including from myself?

I mean, it's only in the last year ish (personal growth) that I realise I suffer from incredibly bad anxiety on multiple levels.

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I've tried SSRIs, SNRI, and hydroxyzine (for anxiety) but those failed for one reason or another. I'm going to ask my new Psychiatrist on Friday about MAOI (Tranylcypromine (Parnate) ) and Atypical depression.

I think given the above though, there is probably going to be more than Atypical depression going on with me, and I am hoping someone who is more educated and experienced than me, could help me with an outside perspective, because I do have trouble expressing suffering etc, because it's been my whole life and i'm probably used to it.

I've actually started reading about Bipolar today, but that's something else.

Thank you.