This disorder may have ruined my career, made me lose friends, and almost costed my job, but it also made me a better person. I still have passion for what I love and I can express it in other ways, other than academia. Was it fair after I loss my girlfriend of 9 years? Was it fair that my best friend died? Was It fair that this disorder ruined my chosen vocation and ended in utterly embarrassing situation with professors never who don't understand? Is it fair that meds have given me Panic attacks and bipolar2 for life? It's all ****** but at least I can have moments and pockets where life is worth living. I have many issues but maybe through all this opposition I've become better, even if crippled.