Greetings all,

I have suffered from bouts of depression since childhood. I am not sure what happened to me to wreak havoc on my self-esteem but it has always been in the toilet. I have kept an assortment of coping skills in my tool kit to help me manage the episodes over the years (I'd say I have had at least one episode, sometimes maybe 2, every 10 years or so since the age of about 10). Although these episodes occur when the feelings of depression overshadow everything else in my life -- severe depression; I have always experienced a mild form depression beneath the surface. It is something I have not felt comfortable discussing with anyone nor do I have anyone close enough to me who would listen and not judge or try to fix me. I have been referred to a psychiatrist but I am very leery about taking medications. I was inappropriately prescribed anti-depressant medication by a neurologist to "fix" a physical issue with my autonomic nervous system a few years ago and I thought I was going to lose my mind. Even with 1/2 dosage, I had a severe reaction to an assortment of serotonin inhibitors prescribed at the time. One side effect was that I could not sleep and was a nervous wreck for nearly 6 days. My issue is that I know it takes time to get the right chemicals administered in the right dosage to begin to feel better. I am concerned about how many iterations of not getting the right chemicals administered in the right dosages do I have to endure. I am hoping and praying from interacting with PC I will improve my coping skills by being able to speak openly about my mental illness (This is the first time that I have even admitted that I suffer from mental illness), turn my life on track so that it can have some meaning, and hopefully use my experiences to help others.

Thanks in advance for your insights.

Trying my best to keep it together. It's a day to day, sometimes moment-to-moment kind of thing.