So I've been seeing my T for...well, 11 months today, actually. I see her twice a week. I go through insurance, I figure since we're paying $150 PER WEEK for our health insurance, I may as well use it. My insurance is quite good, and because of the cost we shell out for it, I have no issues using it. My session fee is $150 per therapy hour (50 minutes). I had a copay of $15 per session. I never asked, I don't believe I even hinted at having some financial hardship currently (that's one thing I won't talk to her about yet). I paid 2-300 dollars one time and like a month later received another huge bill, and my payment was never shown. I asked my T about it....who told me she has decided to lower my copay from $15 to $5. I was very thankful, but also felt horribly guilty and self conscious. She doesn't treat me as such, but I have a hard time getting a break, I don't want to be a charity case, you know? But I appreciate her understanding and care enough to make things easy on her and I reluctantly accepted. Actually, it was a huge help for me, but I felt guilty thinking she's out that money. Maybe she's not, I may not know how it works.

Anyway, I made a payment in February. In March, I received a bill (through her billing company) for $10. Seriously? I figured some payments hadn't gone through insurance yet and decided to hold off paying until the next bill. Well, here we are, April, and I get TWO bills in the mail yesterday. One for $310 and one for $105. What's confusing is that both bills (three pages each) are itemized and I can't see anything different, so why the two very different amounts due? So do I owe $310, or $105, or $415?? I find her bills confusing because they aren't in chronological order, and all of the dates are for this year, except for two dates in September. Ok.... confusing.

Anyway, I Emailed her late last night to ask about it....see if she could tell me what I owed her so I can get her a check. I was a bit taken back that I went from a $10 bill to a possibly $415. But then, on the last page, I finally found a phone number, so 10 minutes after I Emailed T asking her, I wrote her back saying sorry, I saw the number for questions, and I'll call the billing agency directly. I was going to call this morning but got called into work early last minute and didn't have a chance. So, I'm off work now, and called and left a message for them to call me back.

I got a text from my T this morning saying she has been having problems with her billing agency, and will be switching in another month to a new one. And that it would be helpful for me to call them to find out what's up with the two bills, so she can know what's been going on. I know this is not the first time they've stressed me out with their incorrect bills.

BUT....my main topic here, my T said I owe NOTHING. I don't know when she implemented this, but she told me she has waived my copay completely, and that she let the biller know this but it must not have registered. I'm touched. Very touched. Almost touched to tears, but at the same time, I feel so guilty. Money is a hugely stressful entity for me, I have to pop two Xanax just to pay bills. So this is helpful for me, but I just feel so crappy that it IS this way...and that somehow she sees it, and is doing me this huge favor of not giving me a copay at all. Has anyone else been in this boat? How did you get out of feeling so guilty about it?

I know I have been having a hard time with my T lately and have vented here about that. But she does truly care....it's sincere, I've never doubted that. I stay because I really want to make this work, even though I still am feeling the pain from our rupture. Intense pain...anger even, if I think too much about it. But she's a good T...who I think just didn't handle a decision very well. But that's MY opinion, and doesn't make it right.

Anyway, I have a session tomorrow, and would like to talk to her about it. Is it wrong to ask her why she's doing this? I've not received many breaks in life and am just curious why she'd do this. Not only that, I know I have been a hard client to have. I'm over sensitive, skeptical and cautious about everything, question motives (as I am here), and I don't talk openly very well...she really has her work cut out with me. Honestly, I can be a pain in the rear.

Anyway...has anyone else's T waived their copay? For those who pay with insurance, is it possible the T charges more per session so they end up, even without a copay, making the same amount? I believe she deserves her going rate...and I don't want to think she's reducing for my sake, which puts less money in her pocket. Ugh. I hate feeling so... unworthy... but...that's part of why I'm in therapy!