regrets!

First off, welcome to PC. I hope you find the support and connection here that you need to help you get through your dificulties.

Relationships are so difficult at times aren't they? I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now.

About the only suggestion I can make to you at the moment is to take some time for you right now. Put your effort into finding yourself, becoming the person you want to be. Being alone (without a significant other) in this world is not a bad thing. It may be scarry at times, but it can be a wonderful time for personal growth.

I understand about not wanting to be with your exhusband because he drinks. My first ex was/is an alcoholic and I couldn't deal with it. Remember, his choice to drink and his illness is not your fault. That is something only he can work on. As for the man you had an affair with, is it possible he is no longer interested because you are now too available to him? Maybe he felt comfortable when you weren't so available?

Like I said, take some time for YOU right now. Find something in your life to do that will please you (it has to be a positive thing...not self destructive).

I wish you well! Keep writing and posting, it can be very healing

Hugssss
J