It'll get better, you'll learn to fake it, be exhausted, and it'll slowly become easier, then you'll become numb, you'll start finding things that truly make you smile, it'll turn to truly laughing, and calm and content. It will happen even if you're going through hell right now, and have to white knuckle life. How long does it usually last? Can you see T 2-3x a week right now and journal in between?