Most of my male friends are gay. What I've observed is that the emphasis on appearance is mostly a function of being young (20s, primarily). It gets less important as you get older and maybe get out of the bar scene, where it seems to be most prevalent.

How you feel about yourself might be contributing to this, too. If you feel bad about being a little overweight, it might be subtly coming across in your attitude and the way you approach people.

Please be careful how you try to lose weight. Good luck.

CB