Again, beautifully written! I feel the same. It seems I am typically in some sort of episode these days but I am terrified of becoming psychotic again. It has only happened to me a few times but, when it does, I know nothing more frightening than the complete loss of control that comes with it. What am I capable of? When I am psychotic I believe every sick thought that comes to mind to be true and no one can challenge my false beliefs. The thought scares the hell out of me.