The T I saw today I just knew wasn't right for me; I just didn't feel right with her, and I really didn't like myself very much when I was talking to her. Also, she said she didn't have a lot of experience working with suicidal clients and wasn't sure she was comfortable with it, so she's out, obviously.

The T I saw yesterday was a bit more complicated...I really liked her; I felt we clicked; I enjoyed talking to her. But it didn't really feel like talking to a therapist...it felt more like talking to a friend. Like I started talking about my brother who has Aspergers and she got very excited about this because she used to be a teacher with special needs kids, and she wanted my opinion on what I think the difference is between kids with Aspergers and other kids, and whether I think the label helps them or hurts them. It felt like a very nice chat, and she was very impressed with me, and she told me she liked me a lot already, but I just felt like I would have a hard time being vulnerable with her, and like maybe she wasn't directive enough in terms of the real issues.

And I asked her what sorts of things she wouldn't be comfortable working with and what her limitations are and she said she's comfortable with everything, which just seemed like a really uninformed answer - if you've never worked with a BPD client before, for example, or a schizophrenic client, or a severely autistic client, you're probably not going to be comfortable (or competent) dealing with them. And a lot of therapists have trouble with suicidality, self-harm, etc...so it just didn't feel right to me.

Also, she seemed super eager for me to book a session right away with her...I guess she didn't expect I was doing other consults? She asked me if I wanted to book a session for tomorrow, and I said I had to talk to my dad since he's paying for it, but I felt really bad about not booking the session right away...like guilty. Like I'm hurting her by not booking the session. I think that's a bad sign. I've been on lots of consults in the past and I've never felt that way before.

Also, neither of these therapists asked me any questions during the consults; they just told me a few basic things about the type of therapy they practice, confidentiality, and fees, and then asked me if I had any questions for them...is that normal? In the past when I've gone on consults, the therapists usually asked me some questions, even just basic "why are you here?" or "what do you hope to get out of therapy?" It just felt odd for me to be the one asking all the questions...

Am I just being too picky? I feel really bad about not wanting to book with the first T, because I really, really liked her, but it just didn't feel right. It felt like the relationship I have with current T, but with even less vulnerability, and that isn't what I need right now. I have one more consult booked for next week, and I emailed two more Ts about potential consults, but I'm feeling really discouraged...

(Also, just for the record, I had a very good feeling about my current T and my previous T during the consult, so it is possible for me to have a good feeling at a consult...)