Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
NewLyfeForReal,
I'm so pleased that my post was of value to you. I didn't expect something that positive to come out of this.
Gee, when I was 20, I thought, "If only I had a boyfriend, then I would be happy."
I'm sorry you have this burden at your tender age, but I did too at the same age. Few years later, I went for treatment and got told, "Oh, you don't have to feel that way. Get help and find recovery." Well, I don't want to discourage you, but for some of us, there are remissions, but no cures.
At 19, I had to take a break from my academics, which were a mess due to my lack of effort. Later in life, I went back to them and had a very successful experience. So the future can really hold much more than you may think at the moment.
I'm sure you're not worthless. It can feel that way, when relapses happen too often and/or too close together. Remission doesn't last, but I remind myself that neither do relapses. Be glad for what you've accomplished during the good intervals. Your post has caused me to look back, and I realize I didn't waste every minute of my life . . . not at all. I'll bet you haven't either. 
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Rose, reading your reply post actually made me cry right now - tears of hope, not sadness. That's what I am currently experiencing - a break from academics as I literally couldn't take it. I didn't have the mental capability to focus on my work. I'm trying to pull mysel back together now and I am feeling so much pressure from those around me, but probably to a much greater extent solely from me due to feeling guilty and stressed that I have let so many people down both emotionally and financially. I feel like I took advantage of my family. It is difficult to find my worth when I constantly remind myself of how I betrayed other people's trust and lied to them - not in an attempt to hurt them but to shelter them from hurt, and instead it backfired on me and made it all worse when they found out different things. I'm not a "bad" person. I just did bad things, and I can't forgive myself. Thank you for your reply, it made me feel better. Made me feel hopeful that in time I'll be able to forgive myself.