I find it hard to look. Whenever I see couples being intimate I quickly try to look away. I actually get a fear response when I do see things like that. I'm not allowed to experience love says my brain. I want it but I am not sure I can handle it. The demands. The closeness. I hate being me.

Now I begin to question if I actually want love or was I just taught that by society to be the thing I want. My internal core seems to fear it.

For years I felt I wasn't human because I had a fear of leaving the house and being normal. I started to give up on the idea of anything.