HI all, if you have read any of my posts recently you know I am very depressed. I saw my pdoc and T in the last few days and both recommended IP if I can't manage on my own. The problem is the hospital I would be admitted to is in the middle of major renovation and would be a noisy environment. This noise, I think, will only make me feel more trapped and desperate so I refused admission. It is also my Bday on Saturday so I don' want to be IP for that, not that I have any raging parties planned.

My mood is extremely low, desperate and hopeless, and in despair with SI. I know these are big red flags but I don't want to be in a construction zone. My pdoc is also going away for three weeks so I would be under another doctor. I know the doctor and he is nice but I would much prefer to wait and be admitted under mine. Two days ago I started Prozac so maybe that will pull me out without needed to go IP. The problem is I am suicidal now, desperate now. I am trying to hang on and do all I can to combat this monster but I am having trouble seeing clearly right now. I am drowning but managing to get up for breath long enough to stay alive. What do I do? I know, go IP is the obvious idea but I really am afraid that the noise with trigger me to do a runner and be even more distressed. I am at a loss. At the moment my plan is to make it through to my Bday and reassess. I also have work and study commitments that I cannot afford to miss, esp work as I have already had way to much time off in the last 8 months due to this ***** bipolar. I am so confused right now.

Sorry to rant yet again about my depression. It is just really bad this time.