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Originally Posted by PseudonymMan
Hi, I am a 20 year old college sophomore studying engineering. I have not yet been diagnosed with bipolar either. However I have an incredible memory and can remember events almost from birth and my reactions to those events that are very bipolar in nature. Since highschool I was bullied severely which also attributed to severe anxiety I still suffer with. My mood seems to flucuate with the seasons. I completely fall apart sometime around spring and then began escalating into extremely delusional mania. This was so bad before that I was sent to an inpatient facility. I made a quick recovery, but nothing was done to address the actual issue. They believed it was just depression every time when in all reality it wasn't. I know this personally because it is all marked with extreme racing thoughts. I can actually play a song, do a math problem and maybe think about other parts of the country in my head all at once. I am not crazy and I do not hear voices in my head but this has been very traumatic. I feel like no one will listen to me because they think I'm trying to self-diagnose which I'm not. I just want help. Whatever type of disorder this is it sure does seem to me a lot like bipolar and I was wanting some advice as to the best steps I could take to getting a proper diagnoses without people trying to immediatly cram medications down my throat. This has taken a toll on my relationships to the point where I can't really even keep friends. I hate it and I want to do something about it. I want to make friends without pushing them away.
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Hi PseudonymMan,
I can certainly understand your feelings as I went through a lot of the same things which led me to this point minus the bullying fortunately.. My ex suspected it in my very early 20's but I believed I was special as I was unique to anyone I know..and my ex's kept telling me that but fortunately for me, they loved my uniqueness... Years of crazy times went by and I only got diagnosed at age 26 after I was going through a Mania episode..a year later, another Mental trip because of deep depression and an attempt at suicide..
Here is what might help you, I have always been an incredibly private person and have a set list of things that I want people to see about me. I have learnt that being Bipolar in public is fine and fun...people love the eccentric risk takers and they pile up to be friends with one. The problem comes when you know that you are Bipolar...and worst yet, tell people that you are...the quickest route they can take to back off is what they will do and sadly only one person out of a hundred might stay.. I personally wish that I was never diagnosed because you become so aware and obsessed with what mood you might be in. When I am Manic, people keep reminding me to slow down and I don't want to..then I become agitated and it just never ends well.. When I am depressed, everyone who isn't Bipolar or depressed who knows what I have...then tells me that I shouldn't worry because everyone has they're ups and downs and that they also sometimes go through this. As Bipolar s, we are unique in such a perfect way that as sad as things are, the ups are not ups, its practically God-like, and let me tell you, they have no idea how awesome that feels... I am getting off subject..lol..sorry..
A diagnosis sucks...it drains me to this day...because in my mind, it is better to believe something about yourself than for some pdoc in a white suite telling you that you are ill when all your life you believed you were unique.. Your mind races more knowing this and your depressions last longer because you linger.
On the other hand, we are not all the same, for instance, I also have quite a bad case of OCD and Anxiety which is sometimes easy and manageble and helps me out in my daily life as I do things well and sometimes it is just out of control crazy. Some people are less introverted and and and.. I am everyones best friend when happy manic and dont get in my way when I am angry manic, leave me alone when I am depressed..period..lol..
Again, the diagnosis is up to you...you seem like one of us...but think about it first..and meds...again, up to you..I hate meds and barely take them..I try to find other means to help...but meds didnt help me, but maybe they will work for you. I can tell you that Therapy is important... My girlfriends helped a lot in my life...that was before my diagnosis...now I battle a little finding someone who cares as my mind races all over when I take someone out because I am scared that I might chase them away..again..watch out for that diagnosis...before, I knew I was important..now, I still know I am but what if I am just some sick headed dude like the docs so nicely camouflaged the outcome and wording..
I hope I helped a little in a decision.. its info I could have used before but wouldn't have helped because I was admitted involuntarily so I dint have a choice in my diagnosis really..
But you do...consider all things and remember, even family drifts away when they know your secret..
Wish you all the best..and I am here to talk if you need to :-)