ok i dont feel up nor down at the minute i am pretty neutral just really angry i cant stop thinking of past wrongs i try to get on with things do other stuff take my mind off it but before i know it im up pacing around talking to myself thinking of all these crazy revenge plans the way im feeling just now im 50/50 weather to just go ahead and do it dish out some rough justice but i know violence is not the answer i just cant help how i feel last night i nearly went through with a plan i was so full of rage but the guy didnt show up lucky him i calmed down and thought cleary about how this wasnt in my best interest i dont want to end up in prison with no prospects for the future but now again this morning i am swept up with this rage and desire for revenge

right now i am blaming my illness and telling my self not to act on these impulses and emotions but i don't feel manic i am not happy or elated i am raging i cant think straight i cant focus on anything i just want to pace about and smoke cig after cig i just want to give in to the racing thoughts put some music on and see were they take me