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yesterday was the first time since the funeral that I went to her grave. That was the worst thing I could've done

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{{{{{{{{{{Lexi}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I don't agree with your statement. Having been through the same loss, the best thing you can do is let your emotions out. Cry all you want, grieve all you need to. There is no set time to "get over it."

Grief counseling would be a good idea.

Hang in there. It gets easier, slowly but surely.