So sorry for your loss... I also disagree that going to her gravesite was the worst thing you could have done... no, it was probably what you wanted and needed to do... we all grieve sooner or later, you seem to be having a big dose of it and we all grieve and feel for you.

My dad died within 5 weeks of his dx... and they gave him 6 mo.

You could try and talk with your mom.. well I guess you do, don't you... tell her those things, ask her those questions... and then, before you go to sleep at night, remind yourself of how you'd like to see or talk with her... often they will come to us in our dreams and it's very comforting... try and rest and do this... my dad visited me often right after his death... he didn't do anything but show up - totally out of the blue in the dream and not connected to the dream at all -- and asked me "how're ya doing? I"m fine" he say.

Take care of yourself... you won't be so fragile in a little while, so just try and do it day by day.