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Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.
That happens to him too. I don't know the reason though. It seems to happen more when he's relaxed and confident. I thought him being relaxed and confident would help.
I really can't mention Viagra without hurting his feelings. Even mentioning him going to a doctor makes him think I want him to go on pills. And it seems cruel to put him through having headaches especially since there's no way I'd ever have an orgasm that way. Not to mention I'd get uncomfortable, bored, and/or distracted after about a minute or two anyway. And it's not like we can keep switching positions either. We only know two and can't expand to more than that because he can't figure out how to penetrate me in any other position. I really don't feel much anyway.
He almost always ejaculates before I can even find a comfortable position anyway. But if he were to last longer, I just get uncomfortable or run out of things to do if I'm on top. Both missionary and being on top hurt my hips if it goes on more than a minute or two so him lasting longer is just going to help him, not me.
He also can't go down on me for long enough for me to get off, if it's even possible for me to orgasm from that either (I never have). There's no way he'd be able to last long enough with his hand or with a vibrator. It takes just as long with a vibrator as it does with a hand for some reason. The only way I can have an orgasm is if I masturbate. I knew this before I even started having sex with anyone. It was a complete pipe dream to think that anyone else would ever be able to give me an orgasm.
And I've masturbated in front of him several times. I'm not sure what good it does. It just makes me feel worse about myself and about it taking so long.
The real problem is his focus in sex is giving me an orgasm through intercourse. So what am I supposed to do, fake one? I've already given up on ever having an orgasm outside of masturbation and I'm surprised that I was ever able to have an orgasm in his presence. I think they were flukes.
I got the vibrator to make it easier for me to reach orgasm and for me to learn to orgasm in other positions. It makes it much harder and the orgasms are not worth the time I put into them even when I'm completely on my own.
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I did another re-read of the thread and realized that I have a couple more things to add.
The first thing is just the path of honesty between each other. Believe me, I know that sexual function is deep and sacred issue with all humans, men and women alike. When things don't work as expected we will spend significant effort pursuing answers. But one of the most important steps in being able to admit sexual issues with your partner. I don't mean just making a simple statement to your partner, I mean talking about and understanding the issues so that both partners can assess and accept how the issue affects/influences the relationship. I say this because you mention that you ask whether you should fake your orgasms.
You both should tell each other everything about each other...you're partners, you're monogamous sexual beings...so if you don't talk to your sole sexual partner about your sexual issues, there will only ever be tension and conflict...both internally and between each other. You both need to lay it all out on the table...without accusation or blame. We all tend to assume we know what our partners want or are/are not willing to accept.
Following this (my second point) you can work to find a balance. Believe me I don't know what that balance is for everyone...even me...but I'm working towards it. I've made personally headway to accepting my sexual performance limitations, and even my wife understands/accepts my limitations. We still try to be intimate and I'd say that in the last dozen times we have been intimate where I was unable to orgasm, I was not upset or angry. You know, like getting your car door dinged at the mall...it's not what you wanted, but it's not worth losing sleep over.
I'm in no way an expert and I'm not a professional in these fields, but I believe that some intimate discussions between you and your partner are needed. You should explain what "you can or cannot do", what "you want or don't want to do", what "you are willing or wanting to do for your partner", etc. In this way, you can better accept and support each other through whatever the issues are...and the discussion alone with bring you closer.
My wife and I have these discussions still from time to time. We get intimate including penetrative sex, that sometimes works great for us both. Sometimes it's just an emotional release to explain what you want. One of my more liberating moments was explaining to my wife that I love being naked, as the freedom energizes me. At the time, we were taking a walk on our land (rural property), and she told me I could get undressed and walk with her in the nude. It wasn't sexual in any way, but I was so relieved and energized from the "acceptance" I felt, that when we went to bed that night we had some of the best and most satisfying sex we ever had.
I'm just trying to say that assuming and expecting things will only serve to keep an unneeded tension around. Open up, because if you can't with yourself or your partner...who can you?