Quote:
Originally Posted by Nowheretoturn1989
I am self-diagnosed manic, I have an extremely high sex drive I am impulsive in certain ways. Lately I have been having a lot of these off-the-wall sexual fantasies with transsexuals. I ended up Encountering a transsexual whom I have been speaking with for over a year. We engaged in oral sex, we also had **** sex as well. He used a condom and the condom did not break. Nor did he ejaculate. He swears up and down he's clean and actually got angry with me, because I keep accusing him of having HIV (paranoia). I'm worried that some how his left over semen was on top of the condom (from his hands putting it on) when he penetrated me. I am overwhelmed with guilt and would never do such a thing again as in its not something I liked at all. I keep thinking that all gay/transsexuals are infected with HIV. Even using protection I am still freaking out, it's only been 5 days since this encounter. I had sex with my ex recently as well who's a girl (I'm straight, was just curious) and I used a condom which she thought was unusual. Anyways the condom broke now
I have nobody....
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Hi,
First of all: calm down. You're losing perspective. You're going to be just fine
I know it seems easy for me to say that to you, but believe me I'd been in your shoes 7 years ago.
During my manic episodes I had sex with many guys in a short amount of time, and sometimes I was completely reckless.
After depression kicked in I was 100% sure I had HIV.
I read every online material I could find about HIV, I read it over and over again about the symptoms, I thought I had all of them. I would neurotically do self body checks looking for swollen lymph nodes.
I felt everyday that HIV was spreading all over my body. I was clearly paranoid.
I had 6 HIV tests in a period of 6 months. They were all negative but I would not believe any of them, in my mind I KNEW I had HIV, I thought the labs were doing something wrong.
By the end I managed to go to an Infectologist. I took all the exams results with me and showed them to him and told him I was really convinced I had HIV and I was going to die.
He was surprised to see me like that with some much conviction, he looked at all the exams and said very strongly that I did not have it, and I would not get any other result other than the ones I already had. Then he explained to me that even if I had it, I could live a very healthy life.
So, my recommendation is: wait until it completes 12 weeks and get your test done. I am sure the result will be negative.
Now rest a little