I am sorry ((IT)), it's not your fault, you have been trying to figure it all out too. Just please understand that you are not alone with this kind of challenge, a lot of people "do" stuggle this way unfortunately. Look around you in this site alone, so many struggling and trying to figure things out too, this is a very busy site too. You are actually more a "part of" then you think IT. People "do" like you here you know, can relate to how you feel on different levels too.

((Hugs))
OE