I'm a very complicated person when it comes to dating and romance and all that stuff. On one hand, I tend to fall too easily and take everything too serious when I'm interested on that guy. On the other hand, I used to take advantage of some guys I knew were there if I just whistled. I believe this is caused by fear of being abandoned (most of the important men in my life died when I was too young to understand that they didn't want to go and leave me) and by discovering that I'm not nearly the ugly kid my classmates made me believe I was.

I met a guy a long long time ago. I liked him since the moment I saw him. It turns out he has liked me ever since too, but we got in touch just a few months ago. We went out one time and I blew everything by telling him that I wouldn't go with him to a soccer game because he hadn't asked my mother to let me go. I only said that because he was so smug about being her favorite and that she liked him so much, that I wanted to shut him up by challenging him to prove how much of her favorite he was. He didn't call or text for almost two months.

Then my mother had surgery and I looked for him for support. The moment I texted him he responded and even told me why I was being so cold. He stood by my side, and he even started texting me in such a loving way, like "good morning, my love, good night sweetheart". So we went out for a second time and we kissed. I asked him what that kiss meant and what I should tell my mother about us, because they work at the same place and I have met one huy from my mom's workplace who after first date was telling her that he wanted to marry me... Well, the guy I like now told me that we were still getting to know each other and that I should tell my mother so.

He texted me a few days further in the same sweet way... Good morning texts, good night texts. I took my mom to the hospital (they're both doctors) for a check on the progress she was making after the surgery and we met him as he was on his way out. He left the crew he was walking with and went to say hello to where we stood with a friend of us, a guy who my mom adopted as a son. One day my mother went alone for follow-up and she told me she saw him and that he looked at her like searching for me and, because my mom was surrounded by a lot of people, he just waved his hand at her. But after that, he just vanished again.

Last week I texted him and he responded sometimes, but other times he just ignored me completely. I stopped texting him just three days ago, because I don't want to let him hurt me, I won't let him play with me. I showed him that I like him, I showed that I'm interested in him and also that I will let him free not being over possesive or something. I truly believe it's up to him now.

But I don't know how to tell him that I won't allow to be treated like this anymore. I can't trust someone who's there one day, but just disappears next time I know. I'm the kind of person who believed in second and third chances, but it has always led me to be played with. And when I'm really angry, I'm the kind of person who tells it straight to their face, even in a very rude way. So... This time I know I have no right to be so upset to tell him to just go to hell and leave me alone and I don't want to push him either, but I want to set things straight and tell him that I don't like his on again and off again game.

I also believe that not pushing him and letting him free is a good way to finally deal with my fear of being abandoned, don't you think? I mean, if I keep trying to control the people I love, if I try to keep them as closer to me as possible, how will I know that they stay because they love me, because they want to be with me? But again, I want to tell him in the best possible way, that I don't like what he has done.

Thanks for your insights!