Quote:
Originally Posted by brainhi
Hello AusTexan, I read your profile and your previous posts. With experiences through your profession, It looks like you are already quite knowledgeable about your wife's struggles and how everyone is effected by them. I'm very sure the consequences are still painful for you even with all that you probably know.
I hope things turn around for you. Both my x-husband and I are ACoA... I was getting help and he really did not want to..but he was aware he had struggles (he wanted me to fix myself). My dream was that he finally would want to figure out how to make our lives better and get help as well. That did not happen.
I learned a lot!!!!!!!!!!! I have no regrets about the marriage but I am much happier than I have ever been - and not because he is gone...but I have learned how to manage my life and over time change my way of thinking - for me - better late than never.
I wonder if it harder to understand it from a mental health perspective and know you cannot make it better for her.
I am so sorry that this is what is happening in your life right now. I'm sure you know this without me saying it... but your journey is whatever - you make it - whatever age you are.
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Thanks for your reply. I learned that my wife was an ACoA early in our 26 years together. As I do with anything urgent/important, I made it my goal to be a "home study Ph.D." I learned it to a "t"
The problems are numerous. Denial will be the match thrown into the powder keg which is our marriage. She will deny even being an ACoA and argue to the death. When I say, "was your mother an alcoholic (black out/days at a time). You realized that at age 11. You took it upon yourself to be your mom's mom, your brother's mom, and your dad's wife. You lived that from age 11 until age 18. She--having had one of the most horrendous childhood experiences I have seen, completely "unaffected and don't need it." Take it to the end and ask "you are an adult aren't you?" Therefore you are an "adult" your mother was an alcoholic "child of alcoholic." But logic out the window here. I cry and have cried every single day for six months (yesterday-six months since being served papers.