Thank you.

Honestly, I hate the way I am now. I absolutely despise the way I feel every single moment anymore. How can I whine about how I hate it if I don't at least make an honest effort to do something about it? I've tried finding it in me to accept the way I am now and just go from there, but I can't accept it. I no longer want to be me. I no longer want to be. I just want to curl up and wait with my cats for it all to be over. However, I'm told that therapy works. I'm told that medication will help make it work. I've read topic after topic after topic on here. I've read everything I can find online about it. I've read blogs about the process and what worked/what didn't for each person. I am having a real hard time believing that anything will work or help at all, but then, when I think about it, I haven't tried this, so how do I know? The only things I care about anymore are my cats. They won't be here forever. These cats truly saved my life, zero doubt about that, and they keep me going from day to day. But I have to work to bring home the kitty food for them (haha) and to provide for my little lifesavers. I have to try to do this. For them. And I guess, maybe a little for me too. Whether I can do it or not, I'll have to take it second by second at this point. I've never been one to give up easily. I've always been a bit stubborn. But I've also always done everything by myself, well, since my mom passed when I was 11, and even before then when I was 10 and taking care of her. When she was diagnosed with lung cancer, she was given maybe 3 months to live. She lived over a year and a half after that. She fought it for me, as sick and in pain as she was, she fought until she had no fight left, FOR ME. Why should I not fight for her. I'm just not positive how much fight I have left, but I'll keep trying for now until I can't anymore... I truly have nothing left to lose anyway other than my beloved cats.